Stopping to Fix My Eyes on Jesus

I always have excuses.  It's definitely a busy time with everything shutting down because of the coronavirus.  As of today, NASA went to level 3 something-or-other, which means my husband and all non-essential employees work from home.  (Don't get me wrong.  He's essential, but it's not essential for him to be on site.)  All of our schools and churches have closed.  Everyone is scrambling to figure out how to work and do school online.  It's my job in the homeschool world to support other homeschoolers and those looking into homeschooling by helping them to figure some of these things out, so I've had lots of distractions.  Still...

I should stop and pray.

I want to be a morning devotions kind of girl, but I've never mastered that.  What I had mastered was relationship on a consistent, but not necessarily regular, schedule.  Schedule...if you could call it that.

Anyway, it's after midnight again.  Here I am.  I guess you could call this morning.  I'm here to stop everything and focus my attention on God.  That's where my focus should be - always.

Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, FIXING OUR EYES ON JESUS, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

It's my heart's desire to FIX MY EYES ON JESUS.

Lord,
I know that none of this was a surprise to You.  You are the Beginning and the End.  You know the beginning and You know the end.  You ordained these days and You have a plan.  Your plans are good.  That doesn't mean that I am going to love everything about these days, but I know that You are working all of this together for good for those who love You and whom You have called according to Your good purposes.

God, You are worthy to be praised!  You are holy.  You are righteous!  You are just!  I'm glad for that.  You would not be a loving God if You just let people do what they do and get away with it, but there is a judgement day.  You have put it in our hearts.  We know right from wrong.  Every Disney movie sings Your praises without the artists even knowing how they glorify You by the story they tell.  Self-sacrificing love is clearly the greatest good.  Selfishness is clearly evil.

You, Lord, have written the greatest story of all time!  You, the One who has literally everything, gave up heaven to be a man, still God, but powerless without the Father, and still one with the Father.  God, Your word says in John 5:19 that Jesus answered the Jewish leaders, "Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does."  This is amazing to me!  And Jesus had the power through the Father to take himself off the cross or avoid it all together, but His love for us held Him there.  Sin had to be punished.  Justice had to be served.  If He had not stayed on the cross, we would owe the debt and all of us would die.  We deserve it.  "There is no one righteous, not even one." Romans 3:10.  "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23.  But the best part of the story is Your self-sacrificing love!  "God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood - to be received by faith.  He did this to demonstrate his righteousness." Romans 3:25.

God, I love remembering what You did for me.  I need to hear it over and over.  I know it, but there's something about declaring it 'out loud' or in print.  I know the battle is on for me to keep getting angry at certain individuals who continue to do wrong.  I want to be angry, and I am angry about the sin.  It makes me angry to see people intentionally doing wrong and acting selfishly, not caring that their actions have hurt and still hurt many others.  Lord, I'm angry about the sin, but I don't hate the ones who are deceived.

Lord, I ask that their eyes be opened.  Lord, intervene and show them the errors of there ways.  Yes, Lord, I want You to also show me the errors of my ways.  I know I have room to grow.  That's just it.  How can I hope for someone else to suffer eternally for the wrongs they have committed, when YOU have forgiven me everything?  You are such a good Father!  You have forgiven me of all my sins.  You teach me.  You discipline me.  You lead me in paths of righteousness for Your Name's sake.  I want that for them, too.  They say they are believers.  They say they love You.  Their actions do not show it.  Their actions are selfish.  But, Lord... You know them.  You know their ways.  You know their hearts.  Just as You turn my heart to You, turn their hearts to You.  We are Your children.

Father, heal me from the hurts.  I haven't forgotten, because they still do what they do, but I have forgiven.  If I am wrong in this, then open my eyes to see it.  I truly believe that I have forgiven them.  I will not hold it against them forever.  I want good for them and for their families.  I want truth to rule and to reign in their lives.  My heart is for them.  My heart is not for them to continue to do the things that hurt people.  They are hurting themselves also.  My heart is for them to be free from the fear and the selfishness that drives them.  Help them to see that it's OK to admit to being wrong, that it's OK to be in leadership and not have all the answers.  Help them to learn to say, "I'm sorry," not because I need to hear it, but because they need that humility in order to walk away from sin, the sin of bluffing their way through everything, the sin of pretending to be something they are not, the sin of being deceitful.  Help them to walk away from destructive ideas.  Help them to walk away from the need to control others.  Help me to trust You to do it.  Help me to step out of the way and to let You do what You do.  God, You are way better at being God than I.

Thank You, Father, for listening and hearing me.  Thank You for caring for us the way You do.  Thank You for giving us Your Spirit and for helping us to love.  It is only by Your power that we can truly love anyone.  You are Love, and You made us in Your image.  You made us to love.  Your command to us is to love You and to love others as You have loved us, to lay our lives down for others so that they might live.  Only by Your Spirit, Lord.  Amen.

Starting Something New

I love to talk out loud.  It helps me to talk things through.  I love to talk to God when I go for a walk or when I'm working in the garden by myself, though that has not happened for years.  I remember it though.  God changed me forever through those genuine talks about His Word and His Way.

I've been busy though.  Distracted.  I hate to confess it, but it's true.  God says in His Word that "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us (or purify us) from all unrighteousness."  That's 1 John 1:9.  His Word also says in James 5:16 that we should "confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that you (we) may be healed.  The prayers of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

So, I confess it to God, who already knew, and I confess it to you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, that I have been too busy and distracted lately to spend time with God.  Sure, I talk to Him all the time.  I believe His Word.  I know He's there and I know He cares.  What I have not done consistently is to read His Word daily and spend that one on one time with Him daily before I dive into all the craziness of life, and it shows.  Life has been CRAZY.

I have been stressed and anxious about many things, and I know that I do not need to be anxious about anything.  I've been fighting fear and anger on my own.  Let me tell you: It does not work!  I know my God loves me and He doesn't want this for me or for anyone.  My stress has made me sick.  God healed me, but I have turned my focus on other things and so I have not trusted Him.  Now I have to struggle with asthma again, and early arthritis, and a few food sensitivities.  Not cool!

I will share my prayers here for two reasons.  One, it is easier for me to focus and actually get to the and of everything I want to say if I am writing it down and have to complete my thoughts.  Two, I think it could be good for some to see what prayer looks like.  It's a conversation with our Father in heaven who wants us to have a genuine relationship with Him.  It's not a ritual.  It's not just a religious thing that Christians do, at least it shouldn't be.  It's genuine conversation with Someone who loves us so much that He sent His Son to show us what life with the Father looks like and also to be the sacrifice for our sins so that we could be reconciled with the Father and live forever with Him.

Lord,
Thank You for this time to meditate on Your Word and to talk to You about the things that really matter.  Make Your thoughts my thought, and make Your ways my ways.  Help me to keep my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.  Lead me in paths of righteousness for Your name's sake.  I want to be like You, Jesus.  I want to lay my life down so that I can truly live and so others will know the love of God and be saved from sin, saved from being eternally separated from Your love and Your presence.  God, I know You called me to do specific works, which You prepared in advance for me to do.  Help me to do all things with a right heart and a right spirit.  Thank You for giving me Your Spirit and for helping me to be able to do right, even in the face of hardship.  Help me to truly love those people who are prickly and offensive.  Help me to love those who do wrong and bring pain to the people around them.  Help me to be willing to forgive others, just as You have forgiven me.  I know that I can not hold anything against anyone because You have forgiven me everything.  Thank You, Father, for never leaving me or forsaking me.  Thank You that when I do wrong, You purpose to teach me.  You tell me, "This is the way.  Walk in it."  You are patient with me, and I am thankful.  Keep teaching me.  Keep growing me.  Keep discipling me to be ever more like my precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Thank You, God.  Thank You for hearing me when I cry out to You.  I love You, Lord.  I love You with all my heart and am thankful for all the beauty that has come into our lives ever since I learned to seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness.  I learned that You are love.  I learned that You heal the brokenhearted.  I learned that You are compassionate.  You are to be feared because You have the power to throw us all in hell, and we deserve it, but perfect love casts out all fear, and You are perfect love.  You made a way for us.  You reconciled us with Your own blood, the blood of Jesus Christ.  How wonderful!  How marvelous is Your love for me!  Good night, God.  I'll keep the conversation going and I'll be back tomorrow.